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  • Nandini Sengupta

Diary Entry-3

Updated: Apr 12

My dear D,

Today I don't know what I should write. As I sit down to jot my thoughts, I stare at your page blankly. I feel like holding this moment forever, a state of total blankness-a state when thoughts bother you least, when nothing absolutely matters to you--you enjoy this bliss in a state of foreverness. But then arrows of impermanence find their way into that state and you are again drawn back to reality.

Quite early enough I found myself enjoying this blankness. While I would sit down to study in front of the window, I stared at that pink flower, its olive-green leaf, eaten from the edges by an insect. I don't remember the name of the flower, several summers have passed since then. Sometimes, a bee would come and nestle there. A passer-by, holding a plastic net bag would hurry for the fish market. Sounds of crying would travel from the neighboring house where a schoolboy was admonished for not preparing for exams...I would sit still, with my chemistry book gaping at me, almost pleading me to read a page or two.

Once, I was standing at the bus stop with my family. After some time, I heard a voice, probably calling out my name. I turned back and found my mother waving at me, calling out at the top of her voice. It took me some time to register that the bus had come. I didn't notice. I was looking at a man carrying two large tins of water on his shoulder. I was perhaps lost navigating his footsteps as they curved to alternate sides. Such a weird task I was involved in!

In another instance, I went to the largest museum, located in Hyderabad, with my cousins. It was huge and numerous artifacts from earlier times adorned the glass cubicles. I was so engrossed in their intricate works in a state of absolute wonder that when I looked around, no one from my family was visible nearby. I somehow ran, looking for them.

It was reality escaping me or the other way round, I don't know. But with time and age, this innocent and dream-like existence found its way out...the childlike mind gave way to adult realism...Still, at times, it tries to peep out from nowhere, reminding you of the person you were...

Taking your leave for today.

"the insect still eats the leaf

the man still cycles to the market

the museum still stands there

the bus stop still awaits

only the child is lost

somewhere in the jungle..."

By Nandini Sengupta


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