Diary Entry- 8(A letter to Baba)

My loving Baba,

As I write this letter, I know you are somewhere near me, reading my words...It's been over two months, and I am still processing your loss...

You are not here to answer my call, Baba! Now, I talk about you in the past tense, a reality I have not come to terms with...and perhaps, I don't want to, at least for now...at least for now, I still want to believe you are somewhere near and you will call me...and I will run to you, thinking what happened??

I feel I could never really tell you how much I love you, how much I want to hear your voice, and how I miss your scolding and love...

I meet you often in my dreams, we talk, discuss, and travel. I see myself going back to those childhood days when the four of us would go travelling. Yesterday, you came to my dreams, the day before yesterday as well, and many more days I have lost count of...We were on a boat- Ma, bhai, you and me. I think it was Nainital. Remember, we all went there with Jethu, how we enjoyed among the hills, how I held your hand while I was about to slip from a small hill.

I know, you were in a lot of pain for the last few years- your illness - you couldn't even express what you were going through... And I was not able to look into your eyes...they wanted to say so much, yet were so helpless.

I have come to know how volatile life is, how ephemeral, how transient...

I couldn't write about you on Facebook, nor could I share your photo on my status to tell the world about my loss. I wanted to grieve myself- it was too personal, too intimate.

But now, with the passing of days, I realize I need to keep you in my writings so that you stay forever with me.

Baba, I miss you...

@metaphors_of_life

(My father passed away on 16th March, 2025. This letter is dedicated to Him, and written for Him.)