• Nandini Sengupta

Maid-en Venture

Updated: Sep 18, 2021

The speck of dust will remain there forever

But don't dare open your mouth, ever...

Words blurted out will lead to misery

So please never be in a hurry.

An engaging storyteller,

A harbinger of delectable news,

Of course in all its colorful hues.

Her attire will mock you

Her latest fashion will stun you.


Yes, she is none other than your maid, specially tailor-made for you, in heaven. She will knock your door in the utmost haste, much against your taste. You will get to see the latest version of the smartphone in her hand, always hooked up to her ear. You dial her up and you will get to hear the latest Bollywood number as her ringtone. Holding onto the phone she sweeps the floor, God forbid where goes the dust, you really don't know. Moping the floor is even faster, which I really need to master.

She would often engage in amorous conversations with her paramour much against the knowledge of her other half. Obviously, she is the better half, in considerable demand. Many a time I tried to eavesdrop on their babble, resulting in utter failure.

One day, she entered my house in quite a distraught state as she had a fall out with her not so better half. She complained of fever and headache as well. That was her latest excuse for running late. Her lipstick was primly positioned in its esteemed place.

Implacable demands will inundate your otherwise tranquil mind.''I need a pressure cooker on Diwali'','' the suit must cost at least twelve hundred rupees. I don't accept petty stuff'','' please give me the old refrigerator, you already have a new one''.Once a maid even asked for my doormat. Clothes you gift her should match her taste otherwise.....

They reserve an exclusive monopoly about the number of holidays they will lay hold of in a given month. She will be advertently resolute in her decision and will never waver for anything in the world--leave alone we poor, pitiable employers. She is the empowered woman of our society in the real sense of the term. You overpower her, she will overthrow you.

Meals you offer her should be palatable or they will see the face of the dustbin. They are hard to appease and impossible to ignore. They have their own share of fabricated tales about their co-employees whom I pity, as they are part of the same consortium(club) where I own a seat too.

They have their own super hygienic sense which is inexplicable in many different ways. Once she served me boiled eggs, with those very precious hands she had used for cleaning the washroom. You will inculcate special immunity after eating that egg, I believe.

Points to remember:1) Never ask her-''Why are you late?''(Obviously, she was busy) 2) Never break the news, that your loved ones are coming over.

3) Never request her- not to take a day off. (She will invariably do so)

4)Never ask -'' Why were you absent for the last two days?''---(You will get multiple contradicting answers)

At the end--take a deep breath and practise pranayam for your inner peace and well-being.


@Nandini Sengupta




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